Can anything go right?

It’s about 0409 in the morning right now. I’m sitting in the dark at work alone monitoring Nagios. It’s surely been a quiet night here, but earlier in day (meaning yesterday too) it was quite eventful. I was woken up at about 1030 in the morning and asked to pull the weeds in the backyard by the pool with my brother, so we can set the stone down. I told them they were crazy because I was working the overnight from 0030 till 0900. I soon went back to sleep. I soon was awakened yet again to go do the weeding, and by 1330 I had enough of it—got off my ass and went outside to pull the weeds.

After pulling all the weeds in the back I began my transformation in preparation for today’s little gathering with someone I met over Facebook purely by accident. I was slaving for hours in front of the mirror and in the shower, so that I may look my best (due of the constant and chronic fear of disappointing her). After all, her assumptions of me where based on a photograph (you can’t see all the angles!).

Funny back-story: I added this one girl, let’s say her name is Alexandria (for lack of a better name of a nameless city, damnit I feel like watching Indian Jones), based on fact that she was an Astrophysics major at Rutgers. I didn’t know at the time that she was an incoming freshman for the Fall of 2007. Having her viewing my photos, she said I had beautiful eyes. Shocking isn’t it? There is only one other person who has ever told me that. I find out she has about as much self-esteem as I do—meaning little-to-none. I don’t suppose that’s a bad thing, but only one of us is allowed to have self-loathing issues around here! Ha. So as the conversations progress between her and me, I poke fun at myself, often saying things that are not always true. I poke fun at my cock to my face to my entire body. For those of you that know me, you know it’s fairly common of me to do such a thing when it’s not true, and you also know I’m joking for the most part (and if you don’t… now you do). I’m just too cool like that. Hell I even told her I needed micro-condoms. I can just hear a crowd of people now going, “What the fuck! Micro-penis. More like horse cock.” (Whoever said that on my wall via Facebook shall remain nameless).

Well, I think I did the job of getting her to lay off a bit because we’re not even going to meet now. I probably scared the crap out of her by always calling myself ugly. To be honest in some ways I do find myself ugly. My chin for one isn’t exactly ideal, but hey, I was still a handsome model back in the day. Even my friend Jelly made a point of telling me she doesn’t like my chin because it scares her or some shit like that. I wish I was in shape enough to get back into the saddle again… meaning to model once again. I miss it sometimes, but other times I don’t even want to think about it. Too much work sometimes, but I do miss it. I do miss feeling pretty. I probably would have disappointed her in some way. She probably would have hated me in person.

My drive down to work was eventful. I made it 40 miles to Route 18 without a hitch. God-damn that construction. To keep my Firebird in one piece from time-to-time I’ll drive somewhat half-assed to stay away from the median. I didn’t do that today because there were just too many cars on the road to be dealt with. I can’t stress this enough: too much construction. Just before the George Street exit they closed the right lane, but just before I got in the right lane this one car with people in it drove right past me on the left. The BITCH in the passenger seat screamed “Hey loser!” and spit. The spit wound up directly in my face. I was like: (1) How did she manage to hit me in the face and (2) ‘dear god what the fuck is going on now?’ They soon passed me, as the right lane ended. The girl who spit on my face stuck her hand out and was giving me the bird until they got off at the half-assed exit for 27 North. I was fucking pissed. Another car did that to me the same night, but at least they didn’t spit in my fucking face. I was wondering if I wasn’t in my lane correctly. I’m pretty sure I was. You know, you have a horn, use it.

Now, 0430, almost about time to do the 0430 Console Check. I have to figure out what the fuck I’m doing. I should just go to Atlantic City tomorrow just for the sake of driving my car 100-some-odd miles to run the carburetor cleaner through the engine. Besides, I really don’t feel like going home.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes. This is the second time I’ve had a person canceled their plans on me the night before this week. Am I that unattractive? Am I that fucked up in the head? What is it about me that prevents me from going out with a girl? Damnit. I haven’t been on a date, nor have I had sex, since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up all those years ago. This is sad. I must suck at life. I suck at being a male.

It is now 0454, I have yet to do the Console Check, but my co-worker already went out there and did it. Looks like I’m doing the 0630 rounds.

So far only one good thing has come of this: It took me 3 hours to detail my car, and I couldn’t be happier at how beautiful she looks. All nice and shinny right down to the chrome rims.

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