May 21st, 2006
I arrived home on May 10th and it’s been nothing but hell since I’ve been home. My father’s drinking has gotten incredibility bad since he quit his job in the city. He hasn’t sat down for one night sober. Every single night he is either tipsy or just completely fucking smashed to the point where he becomes violent. I’ve been up everyday at 5:30 o’clock in the morning to help out with the house. He’ll bark his orders on what he want me to do, and then he’ll start drinking probably around 7:30/8 o’clock in the morning. He won’t do much other than a simple measurement. He’ll leave most of it up for me to do. The only thing I’ve seen him do was put up chair rails on the new desk that we’ve been working on. By the time he has a few ounces of vodka or whatever it is in his system he’ll start yelling at me or anyone around him.
My mom questioned him about his “drinking like a fish†and spending $1,400 about 5 days ago. Apparently he spent $1,400 dollars at the bar over a week’s period. As said, he has no job because he quit. He has this huge project going on at the house over here, and he’s at the bar drinking when he can be home working on it with the rest of us. He went off on her and almost hit her. Claiming he didn’t spend that much at the bar, that he lost it???? Okay fine, but explain to me on how you GOT BANNED FROM THE BAR YOU HANG OUT AT BECAUSE YOU WERE HITTING ON TOO MANY FEMALES? Then he went off on me for being there to back my mom up. Calling me a waste of life. So my mom and I left the house.
About 3 days ago he went off on me directly because it was only me and him in the house. My mom and grandmother were out doing stuff for my grandmother’s heart problem. Paul and Erin were of course at school. That left me and my dad at home. Come 10:45 / 11 o’clock my dad sits on the couch turns on the TV and drinks more shit. I asked him what else he wanted me to do. He said that I should go clean up the upstairs bedrooms for the flooring people to complete their work for TOMORROW. I said okay, I started that yesterday and I’ll finish it up. Well he stood up all of a sudden, walked into the old living room and started throwing shit at me. Calling me names, a lazy fuck, and whatever else there was… a lame mother fucker? He started going off on me about how I’m a failure at life. How I’m wasting his money by failing at college because my Calc4 grade blew ass and my major is a useless piece of shit. Everything I do on the computer is a waste of ‘his’ time. Well dad, you get a deal with IGN and make $1,250 a month for running a website and you can do whatever you want. So he started tin insult me more, so I actually left the house for a good couple of hours. My mom comes home to see the house trashed. Most of the things she had like the old vinyl records broken because he smashed them. Now those things were in mint condition packed away in a box that happened to be in the old living room waiting for me to move it that day.
Yesterday, he went off on me after I ripped the stairs out of the house. He asked me to do it, but he didn’t like the fact I put some of the wood that had no nails in it on top of a covered area in the new living room to make room. I was like sorry. So I brought all of it outside and left it there. Then he asked me to drink the wood back INSIDE the house since he didn’t want it outside. What the fuck? Can I ask you that? No. Because I’m a waste of life.
Today, he went off on me as he had my brother and me moving some cabinets from the new kitchen to the basement. Somehow there was a piece of paper that he claimed that I used to clean the hamster cages with. He wanted me to throw it out right away as I’m holding a 300 pound cabinet in my arms. Called me a name, my brother wasn’t helping me, so I dropped the fucker took it and threw it the piece of paper out. My mom went off on my father for that stupid thing, and he was like “it’s disgusting, those rats shouldn’t be in the house.†My mom was like “well Ed, I clean up after you all the time, with all the lunch meat and cheese you eat. I shouldn’t have to clean up after you like that because you’re a grown man.†He replied with, “Yeah you shouldn’t you pig. God forbid you have to clean up after anyone or do anything.†Poured himself another drink. I sat somewhere in the new addition… and 5 minutes later he got up and left the house. I haven’t seen him since 1:30 today. I’ll just assume he’s down at the bar right now drinking his liver away.
There is a lot more that I can rant about at this point. I’m sure most of you heard about it from me online or something. Considering my computer is in the kitchen until the flooring guys come tomorrow to put down the new wood floor in the rest of the house. I don’t understand this. I really want to move out. My mom knows I can’t take being yelled at every single day that I’m home. Not even she has the balls to do that to me. Being home for 11 days, sleeping on the floor, getting yelled at 11 times a day—that’s enough to drive anyone insane. I’m not usually a person to think of death, but seriously. This has to stop. Either kill me now, or stop your fucking drinking. Admit you have a problem. I really hate him.
Did I mention he wanted to go see the Da Vinci Code with me? He drank himself silly Friday and Saturday night when we were supposed to go. I still have yet to see the movie. I just go by myself sometime. Not today though since the weather is fucking horrible.
May 6th, 2006
Who the hell reads this blog? Comment please.
My head is just killing me. As I clear out all my shit for the end of this semester it has brought back some memories. Only leaving me to sit here and think about it. I miss it so much. I really do miss the past. Well sometimes. Sifting through everything I came across what seemed to be a years worth of movie tickets and they all lead be back to thinking about what it was like so long ago. I know I shouldn’t say anything, and I wont. It’s probably me being up for the last 24-hours that has me thinking this way too. Or rather amplifying what has only been there… rendered… what’s the word… well sitting there only waiting for the chance to come out. I just have to say this sucks and it just makes me want to cry.