Today was nothing exciting. The day started out with a bang when I sat in an hour of traffic going down the New Jersey Turnpike. The hour delay was due, but not limited to the following: There was a bus on it’s side, two flat tires. An over turned tractor trailer and two people probably pulled over for speeding.
I finally get to work at 9:44 am, where I am called into a conference room to discuss my performance during a power outage on Busch & Livingston campus Monday night at 10:02 pm. I failed to follow procedure to the point where I didn’t call one person back, reply to my email in a timely matter, and for not having neat hand writing on this sheet I had to fill out. The talk was about an hour or so long where I was like, “okay, sorry, it’s all my fault.” That just set the tone for my whole work day. Sitting there at my desk all pissed off for the next 8 hours. Pretty much made me want to put in my two week notice then and there because this is the second time I’ve fucked up during a power outage.
At times I have to say Facebook is a fun place to browse. It’s an addiction that is hard to deal with, at least for myself. I just spend the day at work reading peoples’ public notes. Catching up on those I don’t get a chance to see. Leave hellos on “friends” walls’. That pretty much came to an end when I commented one someone’s wall and then they removed me as their friend. It happens a lot, but this time I was just wondering why. I asked a co-worker who was also a friend of hers why she removed me—he replied, “Well, to tell you the truth Jon, no one really likes you. They just use you for what you have. No one wants to be your friend.” He laughs. His words rang in my ears, burring with anger as I just sat back down and sulked for the remainder of the day. I thought to myself, well he’s right no one wants to be my friends when I look and act the way I do.
Come to think about it, he was right. I like to be kind and helpful to others as much as I can. However, almost all the people I know are always asking me for something. People asking for rides, books, cds, programs. I had one such case where someone from one of my classes said, “I’m glad I don’t have to see yourface anymore because class is finally over!“Â The one really hurt my feelings at the time. What little feelings I have left. I try not to think about it as bad as it sounds. I don’t know. Just thought I’d throw that out there. You know, class is over, we can still hang out for non-work related shit. Hell, I can’t even get one of my friends to hang out with me. She’s always canceling plans on me after she says when to hang out. Grr, I usually have to clear my days ahead of schedule to hang out due to all the weird hours I work.
The only friends I really had were those online, but even they stopped talking to me. I could be having a conversation with them online and they just vanish, stop talking to me, and don’t say a word. Is it me? Probably. It’s usually all my fault. This addiction to facebook has to stop on my behalf. I don’t even know 200 of the 210 people remaining on my friend list. They were probably all just random add from poking or browsing. To be realistic the only people I know are the people from my high school, all 40 or so of them. Most of the people who used to pick on me and call me names too.
I was out the door at 6:01 pm (quitting time). I was on my way to meet up with my old friend Quynh. Her suggestions to me were to go to bars like she did to find someone. I’m glad it worked for her! I just don’t see myself sitting in a bar anytime soon. Maybe… who knows? No one really talks to me anymore online or in person. Well, that’s life! Move on. The food was good.
In conclusion I would like to state—all those who do not wish to be my friend on here please remove me now from all forms a contact.
You know, a lot of what people find unattractive in a guy is a lack of confidence and a negative attitude about people and themselves. How do you expect other people to like you if even you don’t like yourself? You can’t let other people get you down so much that you begin to believe what they are saying. I’ve gone through similar problems with people trying to tear me down all my life, but I really try not to let it bother me. People aren’t worth it. Be yourself and be happy with who you are and some nice people deserving of your friendship WILL come along. Maybe not right away, as you’re still going to be surrounded by the same assholes for the most part, but you will have your chance.
And if your looks are what is keeping people from being friendly with you, these people aren’t even worth your time. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but you are not a bad looking guy. Plus, you’re intelligent. There’s no reason why a decent, normal person wouldn’t want to talk to you. That just goes to show you that these people you currently associate with need to be forgotten.
I’ve been told to go to bars and meet new people, too, but I really don’t think that’s the best suggestion for people like us. I’m not really into the bar scene simply because I don’t like the type of people who hang out at bars. How am I supposed to strike up a conversation with someone at a bar? Start talking about airfoils or why Boeing makes better planes? I don’t think so because people who enjoy that kind of thing don’t sit around at bars on weekends unless it’s the bar at the airport.
I really wish you wouldn’t worry so much about it. I know it’s frustrating to not have “real” friends to confide in, but it isn’t the end of the world. Do like I do and just feed your obsessions. Since I don’t have tons of people to hang out with, I sure as hell have a lot of free time to study things I love.
The “friend” list on these social crapworking sites should be renamed to “acquaintance” list.
Re: Melissa’s bar comment:
Don’t knock it before you try it. If you come in thinking that you’re not going to find anyone interesting, you won’t (and you can apply this sort of thinking to anything else). It’s good to keep an open mind about things because you could be missing out on the best opportunities. But hey, if it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing, and that’s fine. Just don’t write it off so quickly, eh?